Live your whole castle. A case for Radical Self-Acceptance

From childhood we’re taught to fit a mould: behave a certain way, believe what’s “acceptable,” and follow the steady path society prizes. That conditioning serves a purpose in a functional society, but it cramps anyone who wants a bigger, braver life. If you want to chase your potential, to push limits and inspire change, the “normal” won’t be enough.

Conditioning narrows us into a box with billions of others. Stepping outside that box — doing something different, bold, or excellent — can be met with suspicion or criticism. In some cultures, success or visibility is treated as deviant. But being remarkable isn’t wrong; it’s simply not what the status quo expects.

Radical self-acceptance is the antidote. Psychologist John Welwood’s image of a castle with thousands of rooms captures it perfectly: as children we explore all our rooms — every facet of who we are. Then voices tell us some rooms aren’t acceptable, and we shut them. Over time, we live in a tiny, grey apartment of ourselves while the rest of the castle gathers dust.

Those “closed” rooms hold the keys to wholeness. Embracing your shadow doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviour; it means acknowledging every part of yourself with curiosity and compassion. There are no strictly “good” or “bad” parts — just parts that together form your authentic self.

When you accept your whole self, you free your purpose and uniqueness. You become less prone to judging others, because what we reject in ourselves is what we often project onto the world. Imagine how different things would be if more people lived from their full castles: more creativity, more empathy, more courageous action.

Open the doors. Let the light back into the rooms you shut down. Dust off the cobwebs, reclaim those lost pieces, and let yourself be seen. Live as big as you can, and help others do the same. If each of us opened one door, the collective change would be huge — and the world would be a kinder, braver place.

If you want to get out of your own way and break through limiting beliefs, check out my mindset courses, or book a 1 on 1 mindset session!